The 7 Female Poses of Facebook

For reasons that I’m not going to explain because it makes me look like a giant loser, I was recently looking through all of the girls named Vidya Iyer on Facebook. First, let me say that there are a lot of females named Vidya living in this world. Although I didn’t find the Vidya I was originally looking for, my quest became a truly interesting study of Facebook photos and their purposes. As a guy, I choose my Facebook photo primarily by how unrealistically attractive I look in it. It’s narcissistic, but you can’t deny that you do the same thing. I’m not going to lie, sometimes when I’m getting ready to go out, I’ll evaluate whether or not I’m looking “Facebook-worthy” that day. In other instances I’ll even attend certain events just because I think I’ll get a cute Facebook pic out of it. Overall, it’s accepted that guys use their Facebook pic as an outlet to display their “Oh my Gawd I look cool!” pictures. What about girls? With girls it’s harder. It would be a little difficult for a girl to display a nicely cropped photo of herself trying to look as cute as possible, working all the right angles. While I was searching through the Vidyas, I discovered that there exist 7 different standard shots that girls use for their Facebook picture. It’s like girls got together and agreed that these 7 poses will make them look good without trying too hard. The best part is that most of them are a hilariously horrible call. Let’s do a little case-study, shall we?

I present to you, The 7 Female Poses of Facebook!


#1: The High Contrast/Photoshop Filter/iPhone Shot

This is the equivalent of walking around wearing a half mask and a cape. You’re hiding something. And there’s a large possibility that you have a skin problem.

#2: The Prepster at a Function Shot

She could be at a wedding, cocktail party, engagement party, team-reception, whatever. Either way she inevitably graduated from some famous univ and now works for a famous MNC.

#3: The Just Hanging’ with my Friends Shot

Whereas guys have an ability to stand next to their friends, look closely-knit, girls tend to look awkward trying to quickly line up in cute formation, hug and make a fake-kissy face to the girl to their left as if that girl is her best friend ever. Speaking of couples…

#4: The Me & My Boyfriend Support a Team! Shot

I was surprised at how many of these there were. I actually find this less offensive than The I Love my Boyfriend Shot (this is a subset shot of this shot).

#5: The Self-Photographer Shot

Not to be confused with…

#6: The Self-Cell-Photographer Shot

The version worse than the above..

#7: The Accidental Self-Photographer Shot

God Dammit I love these. I love these because the photographer/subject truly believes that we will believe she was just caught by someone in this moment of pensive thought. But this isn’t even the height of social retardation and self-photography!